NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
