Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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