It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
