I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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