is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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