I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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