sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
soo... how was my night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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