Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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