this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
