i just had sex bonerless
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
