there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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