So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
