So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
