My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
