he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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