she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
