She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
