sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
MIDGETS
????
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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