found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
