Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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