She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize