High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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