Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I party with great urgency now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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