after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
