The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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