i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
worst night to have a conscience
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my liver is dry heaving
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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