I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
