Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
