New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
