We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
