I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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