I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
