I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
