I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize