Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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