please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
