I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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