i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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