Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
