Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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