the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
