Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
