Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
