I didn't shave. On purpose
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
