i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
