Ketchup is God's man juice
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
