Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
