Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
