Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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