It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
