I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
