Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
