I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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