Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
