I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
