i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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