Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
