Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Girls should come with a carfax report
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
