I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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