if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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