i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
