I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
