I'd wear matching sweaters with you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
