Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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