paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think my vagina is haunted
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
