i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
