I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
