I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
