We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
