you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
