Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
did i just pee glitter
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
