Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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