idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize