I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
