He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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