I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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