I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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