her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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