i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
