"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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