I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
