just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
