and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
