im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
