the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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