we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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