Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
