Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
