3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
