if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
