you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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