My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
