Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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