Christians are straight up FREAKS
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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