meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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