Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
