The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
