1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
