A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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