Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
