Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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