She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
