There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
