i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
