My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
