Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
