What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize