I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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