Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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