somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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