I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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